When it comes to orgasm, we often think of release and giving ourselves the freedom to feel all the pleasure it brings. But sometimes men experience problems with ejaculation timing – either too early or too late – which are usually linked to performance anxiety or other causes. Wouldn’t it be great to learn how to control orgasm? And if you do, you can even enjoy more pleasure than before!
Get to know all about orgasm control, what it is, how it works, and its benefits (and potential drawbacks).
Is there a reason why you would want to control your orgasm?
It is possible for individuals or couples to engage in orgasm control for a variety of reasons. The practice can intensify the experience in general and the eventual orgasm in particular.
Also, people might practice orgasm control to prevent premature ejaculation or to gain some of the sexual confidence that comes with understanding one’s body and orgasms and manipulating them accordingly.
Practicing orgasm control on your own for pleasure or to learn about your body and build sexual endurance is not limited to partnered play.
The Orgasm Process: An Overview
If you want to control your orgasms, it can be helpful to understand the stages of arousal involved in the orgasm process. You can then know when to stop and start stimulating. Arousal is typically divided into four stages, but the feelings one experiences during these stages can vary from person to person.
Arousal: The Four Stages
1.In this stage, you may feel your heart racing, your muscles tense, and your skin flushing. Blood rushes to your genitals as a result. In this stage, you might notice your vagina lubricating (getting wet) and your scrotum pulling up toward the body. Sensory play during sex can be a great way to boost sexual desire at this stage. Foreplay can be enhanced by sensory play during sex.
2.As you approach orgasms, all the excitement from the first stage increases in intensity. The pleasurable sensations all over your body are on overload during this stage.
- Orgasm. The big O! An orgasm is characterized by a variety of muscular and nerve responses that result in ejaculation from the penis or an increase in vaginal lubrication.
- Resolution. After an orgasm, the body returns to its non-aroused state. Blood leaves the genitals, and the heart rate returns to normal. This marks the beginning of what is known as the refractory period. Refractory periods are periods of time when the body cannot become aroused again for a period of time. People with a strong sexual drive seem to have a shorter refractory period than others. The length varies from person to person and can be a couple of minutes to multiple days.
Having established the phases of the orgasm experience, we can identify the “plateau” phase where one needs to slow down or cease stimulation until they are ready to climax in order to prevent sexual climax. It is important to let the body experience the pleasant sensations of the plateau phase without letting it tip over into orgasm. So, how do you do this? I’m glad you asked.
What Can You Do to Delay Orgasm?
The process of orgasm control is actually quite simple, consisting of four basic steps:
1.Assist with sexual stimulation, whether manually, through sex toys, oral sex, or with a sexual partner.
2.Orgasm denial is the next step. It involves reducing the intensity of that stimulation (or cutting it off altogether) before orgasm occurs in order to prolong it.
- Increase the intensity of your sexual partner’s stimulation after a short break.
4.In cycles, repeat these steps.
Depending on whether you are practicing solo or with a partner and what works for you, it can involve different steps and techniques.
If you are practicing orgasm control solo, you are in charge of your stimulation, so you can decide how and when to pull back. Additionally, you can experiment with different methods. For example, some folks with penises take a manual approach to stopping orgasm with something called the “squeeze method,” which involves literally squeezing the tip of the penis to stop ejaculation. This process correlates and can be aided with the practice of wearing cock rings. Anyway, for solo orgasm control, it’s all up to you!
If you and your partner decide to practice orgasm control, don’t forget that communication is still key. Establishing a signal or safe word prior to engaging in the activity is highly recommended, as it will enable each of you to communicate readiness or difficulty during sex. Remember to listen closely to one another and be willing to change position or intensity if needed in order to prevent an orgasm from occurring.
If you are practicing solo, you can let yourself orgasm whenever you feel ready. If you are practicing partnered play, tell your partner you are ready to climax (or have them tell you).
Delaying orgasm has many benefits
It is beneficial to practice orgasm control in several ways. By increasing excitement and building to a more satisfying orgasm, orgasm control and “edging” (coming to the brink of orgasm and then ceasing or lessening stimulation to prevent orgasm) can increase sexual pleasure by intensifying sexual pleasure.
Finally, orgasm control can be a real sexual confidence builder. It helps people who are concerned about their sexual stamina or orgasm ability last longer and understand what works best for them. As a tool for couples who are still nervous, it can be used to build their sexual repertoire together without racing to orgasm.
It may be beneficial for some people to incorporate orgasm control into their sexual activities.
What are the downsides of delaying orgasm?
Generally speaking, orgasm control is safe and unlikely to cause lasting side effects. However, there are a few things you should know before engaging in edging.
Stuff for Orgasms
The internet is full of different conversations that focus on the effects of orgasm control or edging on future orgasms. Many people confuse this with Delayed Ejaculation (DE). This is a medical condition where someone with a penis needs more than half an hour of sexual stimulation to climax, and some cases can’t reach one at all. However, when it comes to orgasm control, this is something you actively take part in rather than just managing it as a result of DE. If you find yourself needing extended time for an orgasm but haven’t chosen to do it this way, seek professional advice from a doctor.
Some worry that training for orgasm control might give rise to Half Orgasm or Disappearing Orgasm, where the body won’t experience common climax sensations like vaginal contractions nor will one be able to reach orgasm. Dry Orgasm is also a risk, which happens when one feels they are about to ejaculate but then the tension dissipates, and little or nothing comes out of the penis.
It is possible to trigger both Disappearing Orgasm and Dry Orgasm by a number of physical and/or psychological factors. If you find yourself experiencing either of these symptoms repeatedly (because stuff like this can happen in a “one-off” way), talk to a medical professional who can assess your symptoms and make a diagnosis, if needed.
The “Blue Balls”
If you’ve ever spoken to someone with a penis about sex while in high school, then chances are you’ve heard a dramatic description of the pain and long term damage related to “blue balls”. It’s medically known as epididymal hypertension. Fortunately, getting aroused without having an orgasm does not actually cause any harm and there aren’t any long-term repercussions for sexual health. It’s true that blue balls can bring on discomfort, yet this is easily remedied by performing the Valsalva maneuver: holding your nose, closing your mouth, and exhaling until you feel a sensation of your ears clearing.
Issues related to relationships
The following advice can be applied to most any kind of sexual activity: Communicate with your partner and check in often. If your desire to control orgasm trumps mutual pleasure, you may find yourself with an unhappy partner and a less than happy relationship.
If you decide to practice orgasm control, make sure your partner is okay with sex marathoning, and NEVER control or delay someone else’s orgasm without their permission.
Exploring orgasm control may appear to be daunting, but if you and your partner are both open to it, then why not give it a go? Experimentation with sex can help you figure out what you enjoy and what works for you. While not every experiment will be a success, that’s all part of the process. As long as you and your partner take care of each other, there’s no harm in exploring different paths together. You never know – the feeling of hovering tantalisingly close to an orgasm may turn out to be extremely pleasurable when the moment finally arrives!
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